


Absolve The Sins (Erase The Past)

by Voidfish



Series: Lucretia Week 2018 [1]
Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Gen, Sad, lucretia has a lot of casual self hate
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-26
Updated: 2018-02-26
Packaged: 2019-03-24 09:40:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13808550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Voidfish/pseuds/Voidfish
Summary: Lucretia stands, hands trembling, with a humble offering for Fisher.She knows as she throws the journals in, watching the pages soak up the water, that she has done something irredeemable, irreparable. She thinks of the way her family is suffering, the way they ache, and she decides that someone needs to step up and do the unthinkable.





	Absolve The Sins (Erase The Past)

**Author's Note:**

> happy lucretia week round 2! i dont know how much of the week i can do but gosh i love her what a gal.
> 
> this is short, i apologize, lucretia, i'll do better next time.

Lucretia stands, hands trembling, with a humble offering for Fisher.

She knows as she throws the journals in, watching the pages soak up the water, that she has done something irredeemable, irreparable. She thinks of the way her family is suffering, the way they ache, and she decides that someone needs to step up and do the unthinkable.

***

She throws the pages in so Magnus will laugh again, his bellowing voice trailing its way down the hall of the Starblaster. He hasn’t grinned in so long, hasn’t thrown his head back and hollered at a joke that Lucretia whispered in his ear. He’s serious now, lost and sad as he thinks of the unknown damage that he has caused. His eyes are distant, are wandering, and he won’t look at Lucretia for fear she’ll recognize this. But she already has - she watches his suffering, watches his solemn silence, and she says enough.

She throws the pages in so Merle will dance again, body moving surprisingly nimbly as he smiles, face calm. He dances, now, but it’s rigid, it’s jazzercise instead of the flowing movement and control over his body he displayed before. It’s rigid, it’s strict, it’s dancing to dance instead of dancing to feel, and Lucretia can tell that it’s hard to feel, hard to dance, knowing what’s out there is blood on their hands.

She throws the pages in so Taako will cook again, his kitchen long forgotten once his other half had left. She can see in the flick of his wrists, in the way his eyes trail the cabinets as he passes by for another cup of black coffee, that he longs for it. But he refuses to give in until they find Lup. Lup who is nowhere in sight. She sees Taako decay, the way his ears twitch constantly in nerves, the bags under his eyes, the way he avoids eye contact or conversation until Lup is safely home. No one can tell him that Lup will most likely never come home, that she’s been gone for too long and she’d be back by now and something is wrong. No one tells him but he knows, eyes wide and hands shaking, yet he refuses to give up. She wants him to rest, to go back to when he was happy, to be able to make dinner for his family, but right now he cannot do that.

She throws the pages in so Barry will breathe. Like Taako he is falling apart, but unlike Taako he doesn’t know how to hide his fraying edges. They find him on occasion passed out on the kitchen floor, a pot of coffee waiting nearby for him. Lucretia tries to make him rest, to bring him to bed, but his bleary eyes will open and he’ll call for Lup, inconsolable, until someone comforts him or casts sleep. He won’t talk about it in the morning, but Lucretia sees in the way he carries himself that he cannot simply allow himself to rest, that he has to continue looking, searching, anything. She sees the way this destroys him.

She throws the pages in so Davenport will sing. Before the relics, before the war he would sing in the shower, melodies they had learned over the years. He’s quiet now, solemn, and Lucretia would give anything to hear his tenor voice ring out once again.

She throws the pages in so her family will be happy.

***

Lucretia watches the recognition drain out of Magnus’s eyes, watches the way his eyes gloss over and flicker close as he falls to the ground, and she wonders if there’s any chance of going back, if there is redemption in her future.

***

Magnus doesn’t laugh anymore, ever since his wife died. He grins a little, mouthing curving upwards, and sure, he chuckles, but where are the hearty laughs that Lucretia thinks about late at night when she cannot sleep?

Merle doesn’t dance. His feet tap, his fingers bounce, but he doesn’t move. She never realized he would have forgotten it without the century, without the Legato, because it always seemed like a part of him. It’s a part that’s missing now.

Taako doesn’t cook. She sees the way his eyes flick to the kitchen, but he stays out of the way. She hears about Glamour Springs and she chokes back a sob.

Barry doesn’t breathe. He can’t - he’s out there, searching, living and dying in cycles that Lucretia can’t imagine. He won’t rest until his family is back together, until they’re safe. Lucretia won’t, either, but he sees them as enemies in a way that makes Lucretia’s heart ache.

Davenport doesn’t sing. Hell, Davenport doesn’t speak. He’s still in there, still somewhere in the wreckage she caused, she could tell, but so much of his voice was gone. She heard him try to hum, sometimes, as he walked by. He’d stop, confused, before continuing in silence. Lucretia wishes she could give him the notes back.

Her family isn’t happy. 

Lucretia supposes this is the sacrifice she has made. She supposes this is the suffering, the irony, that she deserves.

**Author's Note:**

> my tumblr is @infernaltwink, come scream with me about lucretia


End file.
